You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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