I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
