THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
