i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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