So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
