How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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