Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
