when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
