Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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