I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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