so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
