The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
