Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were destined to go to rehab together
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize