didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
