We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
