I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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