ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
