the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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