and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
