I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
