You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
