Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
