I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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