uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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