I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
