Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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