Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
