I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
