I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
