i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
