Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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