well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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