walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
