Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
