Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
