Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
