Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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