Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
