Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
