the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
