wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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