I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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