Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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