sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Randomize
