She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
