She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
