do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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