I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
