Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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