I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
