just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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