so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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