Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
