she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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