i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
