She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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