Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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