i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize