White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
