i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
