I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
