i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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