My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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