I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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