sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
