I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
